Wednesday 19 August 2009

Walk when you talk

Whenever I take a bite out of a burger or a submarine sandwich, I cause the stuff inside to slide out the other end. I cannot twirl spaghetti or noodles with a fork without the stuff unravelling before I raise the thing to my mouth. I'm incapable of taming mozzarella. One of my shirts has a sambhar stain on it, another a toothpaste smear.
I once saw a friend do something I could never do. He reclined on his bed and brushed his teeth slowly, with measured brush strokes, for a serious length of time, without the tiniest drop of foam dribbling down his chin.
I could have given the chap a standing ovation.
One day in the Chemistry Lab in school, I held a test tube in one hand, a filter in the other, stuck the filter into the test tube, and let go with the wrong hand.
I seldom carried stationery to school. Whatever little notes I took down, and all the doodling I did, I did with borrowed pens. A lot of people, even close friends, eventually stopped lending me their pens, because I always returned them with their clips broken. I couldn't - I still can't - help fiddling with pen clips.
I cannot paint with watercolours. I use too much water, apply too much pressure with my brush, and end up leaving a silt-like deposit of bluish-brown papier mache on the paper's top surface. I haven't tried oils or acrylic or egg tempera or whatever, so I can't say with certainty that I'll suck at those too.
During the fixed-line-phone-only era, I presciently walked when I talked. It didn't do me, or the phone, any good.

6 comments:

hormazd said...

kk... you're possibly the world's first realist philosopher daa...

Ghanshyam Nair said...

You mean you didn't blaze a trail for me?

hormazd said...

pls kk... stop embarrassing me daa...

Vin said...

Was this post inspired by the new 'Idea' ad? The one which talks about walking and talking to stay fit?

Get a cordless phone, man.

Tashi said...

Dudesh, those days seem so far away. My mum used to watch you with curious joy much like one watches a cat battling imaginary foes in a doormat.

Ghanshyam Nair said...

Oh yes. I remember her actually restraining me by the shoulders once, when I took a particularly meandering path around that passageway.